Do A Loss History
By Joanie Overbeck - TLC Group

A very, very helpful tool for those dealing with a loss and for their caregivers is a loss history. A loss history tells how you or your client or patient has dealt with past losses and how their family of origin dealt with losses. The information included in the loss history will be a big indicator as to how you or the person you are helping will deal with the current loss. Understanding what is normal for you, your loved one or client can be invaluable to your recovery or their recovery when the day comes that you or they experience that profound sadness called grief.

Included in the loss history should not only be deaths, but divorces, deformities, job losses, illnesses - mental and physical, major moves etc. Then, after listing the losses (either chronologically or by importance), you need to examine how those losses were handled by you, your client or the respective families.

Questions that could be asked are :

• Were there family visits to the cemetery? How often?
• Were deceased relatives remembered on their birthdays or the anniversary of their deaths?
• Were deceased relatives ever talked about?
• Was an illness or deformity something to be ashamed of or talked about openly?
• Was it okay for family members to be sad? Or was that considered a weakness?
• Were the details of a divorce discussed or did you know not to ask?
• What are your family mottos? "That's in the past", "It's time to move on", "Don't cry over spilled milk", or "It's important to remember the dead", "We all feel sad from time to time", We owe a lot to those who have gone before us"?
• How do you think your family wants you to deal with your loss based on the messages you received?

There are, of course, many more losses and questions than mentioned here. This information is just to get you thinking about how you or your client views loss and to help understand the coping mechanisms you or they use. Almost all of us have blind spots in dealing with our losses or those of others. Our hope is that this material might provide some insight for you or your client, and perhaps even produce an "Aha!" experience.

TLC Group grants anyone the right to use this information without compensation so long as the copy is not used for profit or as training materials in a profit making activity such as workshops, lectures, and seminars, and so long as this paragraph is retained in its entirety.

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